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What do you think about while you are driving to work, doing the dishes, or taking a walk?
I was standing at the sink one day, washing the dishes, mulling over my problems one by one, and getting more frustrated by the moment. That is when the Psalm I had read that morning came to mind: Blessed is the man…(whose) delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night (Psalm 1:1,2 NIV).
The word meditate in Hebrew is hagah, which means “to murmur” or “read aloud”. It has the connotation of pondering over something either positively or negatively. The imagery is of a cow chewing its cud—ruminating over and over the same thing so as to digest it more easily. Well, that is what I was doing, ruminating my problems over and over, trying to make them more digestible; but they weren’t. And I realized then, I meditate all the time but it is not usually God’s word I am mulling over. If I wanted to become a strong, beautiful tree that brought glory to God, as Psalm 1 describes, I was going to have to change what I thought about. I needed to meditate on the God who could do something about my problems, not the problems.
On the Womenary website there is a quote by A. W. Tozer that says, “What you think about when you think about God is the most important thing about you.” I remember the very first time I heard this quote. I was taking part in Discover Dallas, a two-day event for those considering attending Dallas Theological Seminary. I was sitting in on a class and was captivated by the professor as he talked. He used this quote several times during his lecture as he moved through the annals of the history of the church, revealing the various controversies that arose about who Jesus was.
Now you and I may not start a controversy within the church over who we think Jesus is, but do you realize there is a battle going on within you all the time over who God is? It started in the garden and continues every day in your heart and mine.
You did it a hundred times yesterday, you’ll do it a hundred times today. And you’ll do it a hundred times tomorrow. Most of the time, you are completely unaware that you’re doing it. It is a major part of what it means to be a rational human being. You never leave your life alone. You are constantly trying to make sense out of the situations and experiences of your life. We are all theologians and philosophers. (New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp, September 12)
We are all theologians and philosophers and what we think matters, because what we decide we believe makes a difference in how we react to the things that happen to us in life.
When I was seven months pregnant with my son, my brother was killed in a car accident in Dallas. He had just graduated from college, started his first job, and was turning his life around. He was only 21. I was the one who received the initial phone call because my parents were on vacation in Vermont. As I hung up the phone I remember thinking to myself, God you could have stopped that accident, but you didn’t. So you must have a plan we don’t understand. My belief in a sovereign God undergirded me on that difficult day. It helped me make sense of a senseless event.
Thirty years later, as my daughter lay dying in a hospital in Lafayette, Louisiana, I had another conversation with myself. This time the question was, Do you really believe the words you have written back on your desk in Dallas? I was finishing up my degree at Dallas Theological Seminary. It was only six weeks until I would graduate and I was in the middle of my final paper. The theme of my paper was: who we believe God is in the midst of suffering and evil. Ironical?
The answer to my question: Yes I do. I believe God is sovereign. I believe God is good. I believe God is who He says He is, and that He is present with me, even if I don’t understand what is happening or feel His presence at this moment.
Now that may sound like both times I was calm and in control and filled with supernatural grace and faith. I was and I wasn’t. I was filled with faith in a God I could not see or feel. I believed He was in control and present with me, but I was falling apart inside as my world collapsed around me. Both times I had to continually remind myself of the truth about who God was as I walked through the difficult days that followed those traumatic events.
It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t easy; but God was with me, and He was faithful. He was faithful to remind me of the truth of who He was. He was faithful to give me strength and peace and even joy as I celebrated the truth of the resurrection and the hope we have in Him when this life is over. And strangely, after losing my daughter, Christ’s suffering here on earth and on the cross became a great comfort to me. As I meditated on Christ’s agony and the Psalms, I knew God understood when I cried out, God, where are you? I knew God didn’t condemn me when I said, What do you want from me? I can’t take any more.
In Brady Boyd’s new book, Speak Life, he talks about four conversations that are continually going on in our lives. He says every time we open our mouths to speak to one another we reveal how we are doing in the three other conversations: what we are saying to ourselves (self-talk), how well we are refuting the lies of the Enemy, and how closely—if at all—we are walking with God. He believes that the extent to which “these conversations are managed in the manner God intends, [we] will speak words that are relevant, authentic, life giving, and wise.” (You Version devotional, Speak Life, Day 1, https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/3028-speak-life).
What we think about God matters. It is paramount that we make up our minds based on who He says He is. That is why we read the Bible, study the Bible, and learn to meditate on these things, mulling them over and over. It is essential we ask questions, even doubt, but more importantly search for the answers. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” (ESV)
Whether we are washing dishes, taking a walk, or facing life and death, we need to be meditating on the truth of who God is—who He says He is in His word and who His Son revealed Him to be. This kind of meditation brings life.
For further study read Psalm 1, John 1:14-18.
Kim Prothro
Kim fell in love with Jesus and studying God's word in the eighth grade. That eventually led to a dream of attending seminary which she did after her children were grown. She graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary in 2013 with a Masters in Theology and was part of the original group of women who founded Womenary in 2008. She has been a past professor for Womenary and is currently the Director of Soul Care at Living Well Holistic Counseling and Wellness Center. Kim can be contacted at kim.prothro@gmail.com. 
